The Secret Life of Becky Doughty
I’m what you might call a recluse. I live a secret life.
Not a secretive life. No, I’m pretty much an open book if you’re willing to turn the pages. I just have a difficult time living out loud in public.
I get on my Facebook page and suddenly, I have nothing to say. Or I have too much to say or Facebook isn’t the place to say what I have to say.
I get on Twitter and can’t come up with 140 characters (one or two sentences!) to save my life! Or what I want to say won’t fit into 140 characters….
I hop over to Instagram, and suddenly nothing in my photo album is share-worthy. Other than pictures of my dog. And apparently, I really, really love my dog.
So I start scrolling for inspiration. I read what everyone else is posting, tweeting, and sharing, and I think, “I can do this!”
But then I go back to my “New Post”…and that blank white box mocks me, and the vicious cycle starts all over again. There may or may not even be tears.
I’m one of those people other people talk about using lip curls and rolling eyes. You know, one of those lurkers.
But to make matters even worse, I shoot myself in the foot (or in the flopping tail fin – see below) by just sharing a post about the latest book I’m writing or have written, the sale I’m running, the newest release in a series, etc…and I come across as a self-promoting narcissist.
Those lip curls and rolled eyes turn to exasperated sighs and deletes, and I become one of those people who people don’t talk about at all.
It’s a catch-22 for me: In my line of work, I must socialize. But when I attempt to do so, I inadvertently present myself as the Donald Trump of Christian Romance. (Whoa. There’s an oxymoron if there ever was one!)
The most frustrating aspect of all of this?
I love people. And not just the ones in my head! I really, really do. It’s why I write romantic fiction – because I love relationships and interaction and emotions and reactions and the tenacity and elasticity of the human spirit. I love watching people problem solve and compromise, resolve and absolve, love and forgive, hate and rebel, seek revenge and show mercy, nurture and neglect, choose, and choose, and choose again.
I’m not shy. Not at all. I wear black with bold colors like cobalt and cerulean and citrine and emerald and magenta and plum and carmine and crimson. (No yellow, not even the fancy name yellows. It tends to make me look yellow. Even the fancy yellows do.)
In fact, I kinda like NOT blending in with the crowd thing…I just don’t do so well with the whole mingling with the crowd thing.
Even online, I can’t stay “plugged in” for very long without feeling the need to disappear and decompress.
I’m simply not a social butterfly. I can’t seem to flit from one group to another with grace and finesse. My attempts at flitting (because yes, I do attempt it now and again…) tend to look more like flopping. Think “fish out of water” flopping. Truth.
(That’s about how people react to my flopping technique, too…)
Being in large crowds or busy places pretty much just overstimulates me and makes me a little on edge, and once I get to that point, you’ll most likely find me in the kitchen washing dishes or out back playing with the dog (not the cat – I’m allergic to cats). Or you won’t find me at all…cuz I’m living my secret life.
BUT…I love crowds. Really, I do. Just maybe not for the same reasons others do. You see, as a writer, crowded places are the BEST PLACES to listen. To watch. To study human interaction and relationships played out in real time. To take notes…and then to write stories about it all. Once I’m back in the safety and comfort of my home sanctuary, of course.
So, if you see me in a crowded room, beware. I’m probably watching you (like that’s not awkward at all – see what I mean?). Or just come talk to me. I’m a good listener and I have a compassionate heart and I love getting real with people. One or two at a time, preferably.
I’ll be the one in ebony and carmine… trying to flit instead of flop.
Do you live a secret life?
Do you love crowds? Or do you flop instead of flit?
I’d love to hear from you – feel free to contact me directly HERE, too!
Always… with hope,